AROUND THE TOWN:
Saying 'I do' author offers sense of hope

Every now and then we meet someone on our journey who we just connect with in a special way. I feel fortunate because that happens to me every so often, as I interview folks and hear their stories. This week I interviewed a local author whose story just struck me in a wonderful way.

Her name is Patty Copp and she and her hubby, both justices of the peace, have been marrying people for more than 30 years. She wrote a book about her adventures, calling people to consider more deeply, "What Do We Say, When We Say "I Do?"

The stories she shares are funny, sometimes poignant and deeply moving. I first began reading her book in the newsroom and had to put it down as that is no place to get all choked up... I'd never hear the end of it, opting to continue in the solitude of my living room. The stories run the gamut from sad, to reflective, thought provoking, to wonderfully inspiring.

The thing about this book and interviewing Patty Copp is that you can't get through either, without understanding her own relationship with her husband Webb. This Saturday, they will celebrate their 56th anniversary. She was 19 when she said, "I do."

A 56th anniversary is not an occasion you often see celebrated these days.

In her book, she writes things like "my heart beats with his, he's my balance, my raison d'etre," (reason for being). She includes an old French proverb, "true love is friendship set on fire."

What an amazing image. Imagine falling in love with your best friend.

I am somewhat in awe that two people can experience that kind of love for a lifetime. During my interview, I asked her why she thinks the divorce rate is so high. She figures that it has to do with the ideas people have about marriage. Rather than expecting it to be forever, many people figure, "well, if it doesn't work out, I can always get divorced."

What a sad way to enter into what is supposed to be a lifelong commitment.

She also thinks it has to do with living together.

Not taking the time to see where things will go.

Where's the romance?" she asks. I loved her analogy of, "trying on the shoes doesn't mean they're going to be comfy." So maybe trying each other on isn't the answer.

As someone who swore she would never, "become a statistic," and was relieved and embraced it when I did, I have been divorced about 17 years, finally surrendering after 10 years of a mediocre marriage. Then I got busy running a business, raising children and never entertained the possibility of getting married ever again. No one could have convinced me otherwise, or so I thought. Once was plenty.

But this journey we call life is an interesting one. We meet people and embrace experiences that sometimes make us rethink what we thought we knew about ourselves.

I have been running into people lately who have inspired me with stories of their happy marriages, something that I once thought was for fiction and fairy tales. But now I discover that they are quite real.
What a delightful realization as Valentine's Day draws near.

When I told a friend about my "discovery," I wondered how people do it, staying so much in love for a lifetime. His thoughts were the same as Patty Copp's. Don't rush it and when it’s time to say "I do," be prepared to make it forever, always think about the other person and be committed to working at it to keep it alive and fresh as the day you met.
pchaffee@thewesterlysun.com

Cover Story of Living on the Shoreline:
You are cordially invited to be Married by the Copp's, by Ronni Newton

Today's headlines are often full of sad or controversial news about the institution of marriage. One lucky couple - who have themselves been married for over 50 years - sees it very differently. Patty and Web Copp, of the Mason's Island section of Mystic, estimate that they have performed at least 350-400 marriages over the past 30+ years. As Justices of the Pace, they take their job of officiating a 'civil' wedding very seriously. And, they work very hard to ensure that the brides and grooms they marry do more than just say "I do," too.

Web Copp became a Justice of the Peace back in the early 1970's, so that he could help enroll voters with the Republican Party in West Hartford. Several years later, a business colleague asked him to perform his son's wedding ceremony. Patty Copp thought that was great, and before the wedding she jokingly laid out her husband's dark suit with his white shirt turned backwards to resemble a clerical collar. Patty accompanied her husband to that ceremony, holding his books while he legally married the couple. She soon became appointed as a Justice of the Peace as well, and helped Web the next time he did a ceremony because he had a sprained ankle. The two have been performing ceremonies in tandem ever since, taking turns signing each marriage certificate.

Many may think that a civil ceremony has less meaning than a religious ceremony, but not when the Copps do the officiating. Both are active church members, and would recommend a religious ceremony whenever possible but sometimes it's not the right thing. Second or subsequent marriages are often performed outside of a religious institution, as are interfaith marriages. However, the Copps insist that prospective brides and grooms take their ceremony as seriously as they would a religious one, and in fact the ceremony that they typically us has as much spirituality in it as possible, "without treading where we shouldn't," says Web.

They always meet with couple beforehand, to establish a rapport and talk about their intentions and plans. That meeting is typically six weeks to six months prior to the wedding date, but they have met with couples as much as a year in advance. Although the Copps typically use their own 15-minute ceremony, sometimes brides and grooms write their own vows. "We try to be open and flexible, as long as it's in good taste," says Patty. The Copps always review the vows in advance.

"We think it's rare that people [who come to see us] shouldn't get married. Most of the time they are ready to be married, but we don;t like it when they don;t feel the marriage," says Patty. Of course, the circumstances of marriage are always different, and often hilarious and/or poignant, and that's what inspired Patty to write her book, 'What Do We Say When We Say 'I Do?'" Patty had kept notes about every ceremony they performed since the beginning, and when a friend suggested that she turn her stories into a book, she was very excited about the possibility. There were so many stories, in fact, that Patty is currently at work on her second book!

The book is touching and funny at the same time, as PAtty recounts many of the most memorable ceremonies she and Web have performed over the years. For this issue, she has written a column which provides a few excerpts of the many stories waiting to be told.

The Copps retired from West Hartford to Mason's Island several years ago, but did not delay in getting reappointed as Justices of the Peace in their new town. In recent years they have officiated at 10-12 weddings every year, with fall currently being the busiest time. Why do they continue in their retirement?

"We do forever marriages," says Patty. "What they promise to each other is more important than the color of the bridesmaid's dresses. We think it's very important if we help give marriage a better name."